Secret red pill knowledge: the worst things men do for women

Let’s talk about the worst things men do for women… that men mistakenly think are good. I’ll be talking collectively and in a broad sense.

I’ll also address something serious: what I consider to be the biggest error in the red pill or in the manosphere. This misunderstanding is ruining men’s success in understanding how to relate to women.

Let’s dive right into it. I’ve got 3 main points. So what are the worst things men do for women that men mistakenly think are good?

1. Giving women a lot of choices.

As I’ve stated before several times in the past, women do not do well with much choice. One reason for this is actually quite simple: the feminine spirit is supposed to be receiving. The feminine spirit is supposed to be simple. She is not supposed to make her own way here on this earth but to be under the guidance of a man and help his mission. In some aspects of life she is to be led and shown what to do, not be given several choices to pick from. Therefore the simpler we make her life, the better.

She has a simple (I’m not saying it’s easy though) task of taking care of others and perpetuating legacy on this earth. Those things in her ‘woman’s world’ come naturally and intuitively to her. Overall direction isn’t necessarily part of this skill set and she’s largely lost without it coming from the outside.

Therefore things like choosing a husband and deciding what path to take in life are not her forte. These are things that men are to do and then bring her along on the journey with him.

We see snapshots of this in things like how a woman wants a man to lead and for example choose where they’re going to eat on a date. She wants him to guide the relationship and the direction it goes. It’s typically a man’s prerogative to ask for her hand in marriage and to decide how the relationship moves forward.

Let’s look again at a verse I spoke about in my post entitled Secret red pill knowledge: men are picky, women are not the choosers. That by the way would be a good companion read for today’s post.

Ecclesiasticus (Sirach) 36:21 “A woman will receive every man, yet is one daughter better than another.”

To clarify, I use the KJV version but we can look at the NRSV:

“A woman will accept any man as a husband, but one girl is preferable to another.”

We can see this verse played out in a few different ways. For one thing, I’ve noticed how a woman can like a certain guy or have a long list of things she wants in a guy but end up with someone completely different. She can like someone but then another totally different guy comes around and says “I like you, let’s go out” and she ends up with him. What happened?

Well, this is actually quite feminine. She’s just being responsive and like the verse states, she’s not actually that picky about men. Yes she wants to be treated well but the man in question doesn’t even matter as much as you might expect.

I’ve even heard women say in the context of dating that “the man who talks to me (takes a risk) is the kind of man I want.” In a patriarchal society, a man gets himself ready and then goes and chooses a wife. Of course she can object (besides, what man would want to be with a woman who doesn’t like him?), but by and large she’s really not that picky as long as that man is a real man and takes care of her. Again, she just wants a real man.

On the other hand, men can be much pickier. I know I am. Men are often looking at lots of women, seeing the little things they like or dislike about them. Something about nature tells me that men can go after whoever they want but women are more subject to who chooses or doesn’t choose her.

Women can feel like a victim in this sense and in a big way, yes they are just along for the ride. Whereas men can largely create their own destiny, the feminine spirit is basically there to adapt and to take whatever she can get. This adaptability and acceptance is actually a major feminine strength.

Also, one thing that men don’t always realize is that women respond to desire. Desire in and of itself can open women up and she wants a man who wants her like that. Hence why someone choosing her (desiring her) is such a big deal.

Pro tip: knowing these things, men need to be more selective; too many men choosing her can confuse and corrupt her. Besides, this collective behavior on the part of men looks desperate and effeminate. Think about it: if a man is to work hard and build himself up for years, it should make sense that he’d be quite guarded about letting someone into his life because he has a lot to lose. Who is this woman? Can I trust her? What has she done to merit my commitment? Does she acknowledge and appreciate how I’ve gotten here? This leads into my 2nd point where men err:

2. Giving women things they didn’t earn.

This is a major one that we men do and it applies to a lot of things. For example, let’s talk about praise and compliments. Most of us think that women want these things constantly (I mean, what woman doesn’t want to be told she’s beautiful?) but we’ve taken it way too far and it has corrupted women’s minds.

For example, when I was on the Filipina dating site, I don’t think I ever led off with “I think you’re beautiful” or anything like that. Yes that can work and there’s nothing wrong with saying “hey I thought you’re cute and I want to get to know you.” That’s fine. But women can tell when men are just saying things because they think women want to hear it and many women have heard “you’re hot” way too many times and want men to appreciate something else about them. Hence I usually lead off with something else.

My advice in this realm is to not give any insincere compliments and to reconsider giving so many undeserved ones. What I mean by that latter statement is that I would prefer to give compliments when a woman does something for me or she’s done something to stand out. Whether it’s an action or doing something to look nice she may deserve a compliment. Of course there’s nothing wrong with seeing her right after she’s rolled out of bed and saying “I think you’re beautiful even in sweatpants” as long as you’re sincere about it (saying that can be really good), but in context today I’m saying that men give women compliments and praise way too much.

Pro tip: continuing with that last statement I’ll add this: men give women compliments and praise way too much… in the early stages of the relationship. Later on after they’re settled in he often does this a lot less if much at all. This is also bad for women as she’s now wondering why he’s changed and if he still thinks she’s beautiful or appreciates her anymore.

What I try to do is be consistent from the beginning. I don’t want her to think I’ve changed so I don’t want to shower someone with compliments at the beginning and then stop once I’ve “got her”. I want to keep a moderate, consistent level of interest in her for the entire relationship. This is way easier to do, is a lot more consistent, and doesn’t necessarily seem like manipulation either. Just like how I don’t want a woman to deceive me with makeup at first, I don’t want to deceive her into thinking I’m some romantic playboy but then drop the act. That can cause problems down the road.

But this all doesn’t just go for compliments and praise but also for the ultimate honor a woman gets when it comes to a man: being called a wife. This is something else that men are often too eager to give away.

A wife shouldn’t just be a partner; the word wife should be a title of honor. It should mean that this woman has proven herself to be loyal, that she can take care of you and a family, that she respects your family, friends, and lifestyle, and that she can largely be trusted.

Personally, I want to know things like about a woman’s relationship with her father (this is one of the first things I key in on), her views about a lot of different issues and how she responds when I ask her tough questions (i.e. do you think abortion is ever okay?), what kind of lifestyle she is accustomed to and wants, and most of all, I am very keen on how she picks up my views.

Men should be asking more from women in this arena. For me, I’d have to break up with someone if she didn’t follow my views. The reason being, I have a responsibility to leave a legacy here. I want my views perpetuated into the next generation. So if I believe for example in following the Sabbath and she doesn’t, what is she going to teach my children? I cannot compromise even 1% of what I know is right in my God’s eyes because this isn’t about me. I’m supposed to honor Him first.

The above may sound harsh but I’ve also never really had a girlfriend who didn’t adapt and eventually espouse my views in some respect. I take my time with her so this isn’t about asking on a first date “do you eat pork? Oh you do? See ya.” Instead I’d tell her what I believe about it and why and see if she’ll come on board with me. If not, sorry. I’m not allowing that (or other beliefs contrary to what I believe my God wants) into my house.

By the way, this obviously doesn’t apply to everything. If I like hockey and she likes tennis she doesn’t have to like hockey as well. I’m simply talking about men putting up boundaries when it comes to matters of God and legacy, not personal preferences. In fact, it’s best if you don’t have everything in common! Let each partner have their own life but come together for the big picture.

And finally,

3. Asking too much from women.

This, in my opinion, is the greatest flaw in the manosphere and in the red pill generally. It will be nearly impossible to make any progress in our understanding of women unless we can get this right. What do I mean?

Well, many men have correctly come to the conclusion that there is a creation order: God-Christ-man-woman-child. Men have correctly discerned that women in this hierarchy should be following and be submissive to their leaders aka husbands. However, I have personally not really seen it said how men are to relate to and treat women within this hierarchical setting.

First, let’s look at another relationship within the hierarchy and talk about the parent-child relationship:

Say you have a 13 year old daughter who says she’s responsible and wants you to give her a thousand dollars and your car keys so she can take her friends on a road trip to California. Would you allow that? I mean, she assures you she’s responsible and can handle it. Regardless, I doubt anyone would allow that. If you love her you surely wouldn’t allow her that freedom.

Or say your 10 year old says that he can be responsible for his own cooking and what he wants to eat. Do you trust that he won’t burn the house down and that he won’t eat ice cream and cereal for every meal of the day? If you love him you’ll realize that he’s not responsible enough to handle this responsibility.

In a hierarchy, it is assumed that you have a higher level of responsibility than the one under you. It is assumed that parents are more responsible than children and can therefore make decisions for them and therefore the parents have a duty to intervene in the above scenarios to stop any unwise behavior. So how is this different when it comes to man being above a woman in the hierarchy?

Spoiler: there really is no difference.

Men are to protect and guide women in the same manner. This isn’t to condescend and say that women ARE children. No. But it is to say that in a hierarchy, the same principles of responsibility apply. Just as you’re supposed to pull a child who’s playing in the street out of the path of a speeding car, men are to pull Eve away from the serpent. Men are to pull women back when they’ve strayed from their God-given calling. This is a man’s responsibility in the hierarchy.

This also applies in the workplace and so we can think about hierarchy in that way as well. I’ll be giving an example of that shortly.

Many men project onto women thinking she’s just a female version of him. He thinks that since she’s an adult she should be able to make the same decisions with the same level of agency as him. He may say “women wanted feminism so let her take the accountability for her decisions that come with it.” Yet I argue that women have overstepped their bounds in the hierarchy and just like how the above children have asked for something beyond their ability, women have largely done the same.

So when it comes to the 13 year old, when she crashes the car, wastes all of the money, or gets hurt, do we say “you asked for this responsibility, now you deal with the consequences!” Yes we can be mad at her but she shouldn’t have been in that position in the first place. The parents needed to stop her.

Case in point, I started this post by talking about how women don’t do well with choice and noted in my post about men being picky that in the bible, men (fathers) are to find a husband for their daughters:

Ecclesiasticus (Sirach) 7:25 “Give away a daughter in marriage, and you perform a great (weighty) task, but give her to a sensible man (a man of understanding.)”

So we really can’t get too mad at women when they’re doing things beyond their God-given calling. It seems futile to blame them when they don’t always make the best decisions about men because it appears that God never intended for women to carry the burden of matchmaking. Instead, He seems to have created her to be receptive to a real man who is ready for marriage and can take care of her.

This isn’t to insult women either because I think they’re generally doing pretty well nowadays (their instinct to provide for themselves and their families moves them to work hard) but they’re largely taking on way too much responsibility and stress. And no, we can’t just say “well, they asked for this…” just like we can’t tell the child “you wanted to eat whatever you want and now you have diabetes… that’s YOUR responsibility.”

The brutal truth is, just like how when a child does something bad it can be a shame on the parents, it shows equally bad on men when our women are making bad decisions. Why? Because just like how the children should not have had the freedom to take the car on a joyride or eat cereal for every meal, women shouldn’t be allowed to do a lot of things they are currently doing (and yes, men collectively have the power to stop this if we’d get on one accord.)

Honestly, I see many men confused and even offended by the thought that a woman could need this kind of guidance: “she’s an adult isn’t she?” Well, yeah she is an adult and she’s not stupid. But think about your job because it’s also likely a hierarchy. A boss is supposed to lead and teach the workers. A boss can step in when a worker is doing bad work or praise them for good work. Does this demean the worker? Of course not. This is simply a just and orderly way of doing things. God gave the boss one set of responsibilities and the worker another.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t necessarily want to be the boss at work. I get to go home everyday and have less responsibility while my boss gets yelled at by the public, has to go to nightly meetings, and has twice the work. He might get paid twice as much but to me it isn’t worth it. I am content with the position God has put me in. Meaning, there’s nothing demeaning here to the worker nor to women.

So leadership can be overrated. Many of us may think inside “nice, I like the idea that women would submit to me.” However, if we really understood the implications of what I’m saying today, you’d shudder at having this responsibility. Just like the boss you now have extra work having a wife. Just like a pastor, you’re responsible for her spiritual growth. You’ve just added more things for God to judge you for.

So again, why are men so quick to give up their commitment? Yes I want a woman who is godly and responsible enough to where I don’t have to keep saving her from the serpent. However, the minute I put my guard down she can be deceived so being a husband is an unending responsibility. After all, the devil is always looking for entry through her. He began with Eve and he will begin with your wife. Once he gets her, you’re next. So your eternal destiny is at stake.

I’ll finish up here and give some concluding remarks about how a man is to treat a woman within the hierarchy.

Just like how I want Christ’s approval and His guidance and discipline, man is to take this forward and pass it on to women: “I learned that God wants this from me and He has prospered me; now I want you my dear wife to follow my lead in this as I’ll show you His direction and His love for us.” That’s how it works as a man is largely Christ’s mouthpiece to women here on earth. This is love.

It’s not an insult to women to treat them this way or even to take certain things from them; her ‘woman’s world’ and what she’s good at is way more than enough for her. She should be sheltered in that from the stresses of the world to excel in what she’s good at… and she’s not good at a lot of things that men expect from her.

Taking certain responsibilities away from women is one of the most loving things men can do, granted men acknowledge her feminine rights to be loved, protected and provided for. Also, men shouldn’t condescend and say “we’re taking away your rights because you’re too incompetent to exercise them correctly.” Wrong, wrong, wrong. Her rights are simply not appropriate for her and we want to lead and make her life simpler.

Besides, we men are giving women a double standard: on the one hand we want them to be more feminine. On the other, we want them to be more responsible and make better decisions with the freedom they’ve been granted. These two things are mutually exclusive: a woman cannot be feminine yet take on huge levels of responsibility. We’re asking too much of women here.

So if we want women to be women and be feminine, we have to stop asking so much from them. I also don’t believe in taking women’s (modern) rights and responsibilities away without replacing them with a different set of rights. To see more of what I mean, please see my posts entitled (Realistic) standards for women and Men’s and women’s rights: groundwork.

Finally, men can’t get offended in knowing this about women. Men must accept that women are this way and we must stop fighting nature. It’s feminine and we should find it preferable to be able to help lead and shape someone in this way. If she’s your rib she should be like you and it’s in that sense we can become one flesh. Also, she doesn’t need to be micromanaged but she needs overall guidance and protection.

I hope that this helps us to understand some things about women which I don’t really see talked about enough in the manosphere. Again, as I’ve stated in the past, men are often seeing glimpses of the truth about women’s nature but are not seeing the full picture nor understanding how to put everything together. Yet I think women aren’t as difficult to understand as we’ve been told and I’ve only used reason to come to my conclusions. We simply have to accept that this is the way things are.