(Realistic) standards for women

Today I’d like to talk about godly men and what our standards should be for women. I will talk about standards when it comes to finding a partner as well as what we should expect from women in relationships. In some ways I will argue that we need to greatly lower our expectations but in other ways the expectations should be much higher. I hope that this message can help men in their relationships with women as well as give women an idea of what a godly man is looking for and should expect from them.

First of all, I need to begin by saying that everything I’ll be speaking about today comes from the basis of a man himself being a masculine and godly man. A man cannot and should not expect these things from women if he himself is not willing to work on himself and adopt a leadership role with the women in his life. There can be no passivity or effeminacy here on the man’s side; in fact, it is difficult for a woman to fall into another, more feminine role, if a man is not living up to his masculine role.

So all of this will require work on men’s part to establish a more patriarchal order where a man takes on a leadership role and takes responsibility for his relationships with women. You will see shortly that I will argue that women should have less responsibility in some ways and the only way this is viable is if the responsibility is transferred to the hands of its rightful owners: men. As I am arguing for a more patriarchal system where men reassume their authority, men must also carry its subsequent responsibility.

Someone who holds authority without carrying the responsibility and accountability that is linked to it is in an unfair and unjust position as power should only be held by those who are actually strong and work for it. One with power must be responsible for the use of that power and for everything that results from the exercise of that power, be it good or bad. Not only that, but authority without responsibility can quickly devolve into tyranny. So this is a man’s role in this matter: yes we should be able to expect a level of respect and deference from women and have expectations on their behavior, but it comes with us taking a much higher level of authority and accountability for our relationships.

In fact, in a patriarchal order, a man is not only responsible for his own actions but is largely responsible for the actions of his wife and family. All throughout history we see evidence that women were largely seen as being under the dominion of their husband and as such, he would be responsible for her behavior in public or otherwise. A wife’s bad behavior would reflect on her husband and if she was even to do something like commit a crime her husband could be punished for it (her punishment was to come from her husband, not from society or the state.) So men must be willing to take on this responsibility. If a problem occurs in your relationship with a woman, it must be a shared problem. There is no “well she did this or she’s that way” turning your relationship into an adversarial arrangement. It’s a man’s responsibility and if that does not appeal to a man in some sense, he may not be ready for a more patriarchal system.

So with all of that out of the way, let’s talk about women. I need to begin by saying that although this applies to women in general, this message is specifically in response to problems in Western culture. I have seen many men on red pill videos talking about how we need to hold women to higher standards and, for example, start expecting them to be chaste. I agree but that’s only one piece of the puzzle and this isn’t necessarily a problem with women everywhere in the world. Western culture seems to have the most significant amount of problems with the man-woman relationship and the largest disturbance of the masculine-feminine polarity.

Since I mentioned expecting women to be chaste, we can begin there. This is one of a few areas where men’s standards for women should be much higher. All throughout history, women were largely valued for their chastity and promiscuous women were shamed and excluded. Often only a virgin could be considered wife material and if a woman wasn’t chaste, she may never be able to rise above the level of concubine.

Even if men won’t admit it, I believe that most men would probably prefer having a chaste wife. Although many men don’t care about the sexual history of a casual sex partner or even girlfriend, when men are serious they typically want women without such promiscuous histories. For reasons I’ve spoken about in previous posts, the masculine spirit is drawn to untouched women, untouched not only in body but in mind.

When I say untouched in mind, men should also expect that their women keep themselves pure from the culture. A woman who is going out with bad friends, watching trashy shows, and even getting her mind twisted from liberal ideology in our schools is destroying her worth in a man’s eyes. Since the feminine spirit is largely receptive and takes on the energy and ideas of the world, the more she’s exposed to all of these things, the more she’s unable to be shaped into the kind of woman that her husband needs her to be.

For that reason, men should expect our women to settle down at a younger age. Women are largely valued for their beauty, something that declines with age, and their minds are easily shaped by the world and hence the longer she goes without a husband, the more her mind will be corrupted by this evil culture. A woman should not be waiting until her late 20’s to consider finding a husband. The more that she can give a man her youth, the better.

A woman should expect to be shaped by her husband and no one else including the culture. Godly men should expect that their women adopt their own values and ways of life and not those of the world. Her allegiance is to her husband and he should be able to expect her to go to him for guidance.

This even goes for influences in society which may be good and not evil. Let’s say that a woman is looking up to her pastor, church, or another man for advice or spiritual guidance instead of her husband. This is a very common area where women commit spiritual idolatry and this stems from disorder. In fact, there has been a lot of talk recently among Israelite leaders about cutting off a lot of the counseling of female members as a lot of the counseling simply stems from women not looking to or trusting their husband for guidance, or the women are getting counseling for problems caused by their lack of following their husband’s direction. Pastors and leaders are doing a husband’s job and this is disorderly and idolatrous. A husband is a woman’s connection to God and he needs to also assume that responsibility.

So far I believe that most traditional or patriarchal men would agree with my sentiments. A man should expect purity in many ways from his woman. Again, this is not only purity of body, but of mind.

Does education help or hurt women? In the patriarchal man’s mind, it typically hurts women. Many women are only in school because they think they have to do it or it’s fun, all the while they are exposed to the worst parts of society. Most other young people in college are messing around having casual sex, drinking, and experimenting. Most college professors are engulfed in the liberal agenda and universities are arguably the hotbed of progressivist and corrupt ideologies. I have personally seen the most feminine and beautiful women go to college only to have shaved their head and be championing the most Marxist ideologies in the span of only a year.

Moving on, we can also expect our women to be good mothers, caretakers, and keepers of the home. We can expect them to be hardworking within that domain. This is what the bible demands of women and we as men should be choosing women who have a heart to do these things. So a woman who says “I don’t like children” or “I only want to have children and stay at home after I’ve worked or done such and such” may be a very questionable choice for a relationship candidate. Although I am not against a woman working, men should not necessarily expect their women to be career-women. As we’ll see shortly, this is one area where I will argue that our standards for women need to be lowered.

Before I move let’s answer this question: should women work? There is no one size fits all answer here. We live in a time where many women are more educated and have more skills than men and may be able to even make more money than him. In a case like this it may be easy for a woman to look down on a man, but even if a woman is working she is still expected to follow his lead.

As others have correctly noted, we live in a time where the powers that be have purposely altered society in a way to where it can be difficult to survive on one income. Further, women have been propped up, given scholarships and other incentives and subsidies to get them into the workforce. So instead of me just throwing out the baby with the bathwater here, if there is a good reason for a woman to work to help contribute to the household, there is nothing wrong with that. In fact, it is even prophesied in the last days that:

Jeremiah 31:22 “…a woman shall compass a man”, aka women will hold a lot of societal influence, power, and money, yet:

Isaiah 4:1 “And in that day 7 women will take hold of one man saying ‘we’ll provide everything, just let us be called by your name to take away our reproach”, so godly men (and men in general) will be rare and women will do anything to have a husband to take away her reproach (the reproach of not having fulfilled her mandate to be a man’s helper and leave a legacy) including working to provide for her own food and shelter.

The key here for a working woman is for her to realize that she’s contributing to a man’s legacy. She should see her money not as her own but as part of a collective, her little household here on earth with her man at the helm. This attitude is proper not only with money but in all other respects as well. Many women have great ambitions about doing their own thing, getting this job, going to this place, etc., yet this is improper for a woman looking for a godly husband.

Of course she can initially have these plans but once she finds a godly man she should be expected in a large sense to sacrifice what she wants for the good of helping a man. After all, she is called a helpmeet in the bible and her job is to support a man, not to pursue her own name and legacy. She takes on her man’s name, not just his last name but she becomes part of him and what he stands for.

Now let’s move on to where men should have lower standards for women and we’ll continue this thought about work. Now it should go without saying that none of us can be in two places at once and if a godly man wants a wife to be able to take care of a home and children, she cannot also simultaneously be working, or at least not at the typical full-time pace.

If men expect women to be feminine, good mothers, and keepers of the home, they must have the time and protection to be able to do that. Although women can work tirelessly, men often forget to take into account the fact that women’s bodies are not made for the stresses of the outside world. Take for example military or emergency service work. It’s been shown that women stress out a lot more easily under many of the conditions encountered in these lines of work and guess what? It’s not even their fault. I’m sure that many women would love to be better at these jobs but God simply did not make their bodies or minds suitable for that stress. Women lack the testosterone, muscular strength, and even things like spatial awareness for many jobs. This isn’t to shame women; it’s merely scientific and part of God’s creation and delineation of tasks.

Expecting so much out of women is unrealistic and puts too much pressure on them. In general, women should be expected to perform a lot less in the outside world. Now I know what a lot of men are thinking. They may say “well women wanted it to be this way, they want to be independent and they think they can handle everything.” This is where men simply have to stand up and say no because men must protect their wives.

This is where men have to say “let me handle it” or “it’s too dangerous for you to be going out and doing that. You have plenty to do here, I’ll go out and do that instead.” As I’ve noted before, women are led by a sense of fear, especially when they are away from home or a safe place, so it is on men to help alleviate that fear and protect them from the outside world. Men need to be more aware of this and even when women claim they can handle anything, men must protect them from themselves.

Yet this isn’t to say that women need to necessarily be home all day and be a trophy wife. When I look at the woman in Proverbs 31, she was waking early to take care of her family, she was making food, clothes, and even buying property, something which necessitates her going out in public to some extent. She was quite busy and had a lot of responsibility. Yet her focus wasn’t on politics, church matters, work matters or the like. It was on her home and family. So men should let women focus more on that and take the burden of other, outside matters off of them as much as possible.

Speaking of Proverbs 31, this woman was making clothes and other goods. Something like this could be the perfect job for a woman. We now have the internet and sites like Etsy where women can easily work from home and in their own time and make what is often a significant amount of money. This gives them the flexibility to be able to provide income yet focus on their home and not be tied down to an 8-5 job and the stresses that come with it. It is possible to survive and survive well after having a woman step down from full-time work.

Men should also start to treat women like women again. What I mean by that is this: men often look to women to fulfill a spiritual or intellectual need in place of another man. I myself have fallen into this a lot. Instead of finding other men to discuss religion, politics, sports, or whatever else interests a man, he expects women to fulfill that role. Perhaps a woman does like hearing about these things to some extent, but it is not her position to be privy to these aspects of a man’s world. These are matters to be discussed with and worked out more with other men instead of with women.

For example, some men may be really interested in cars or motorcycles and could talk for hours about these things and may begin a conversation with a woman about it. Unless she’s really interested in it, she may initially admire a man’s passion for his interest but quickly get lost in the technicalities. I find that women are much more interested in talking about relationships and other things which are generally of less interest to a man. Respect should be given to the differences in mind between the two sexes.

A woman is supposed to be more of a grounding and a comfort to a man than a debate partner. So a man, instead of bringing up how the stock market did that day, could just tease her and smack her on the behind or something playful. He could ask her about her day, note something that she did in the house, or anything which to a man might seem a lot more simple but to her could easily be a bigger deal. Notice how a man might be excited when he completes a marathon or gets a promotion at work yet a woman may be really excited when she gets her hair done? Give her credit for that and you will be treating a woman more like a woman.

Even our spiritual requirements for women should be lowered. As men are the ones who are the priests and leaders and as 1 Corinthians 11:3 says that Christ is the head of man, it is on men to study and be the spiritual leaders of the home. Yes a woman should get in the habit of praying and reading some scripture each day (maybe even at least something like the verse of the day), but men should not expect women to be bible scholars or even be able to always accurately interpret scripture.

What I mean by that last statement is that I’ve seen women who have been around a church or other community for years ask very basic questions, answers to which have been repeated over and over again previously. After this realization, I know not to take for granted that a woman under my care understands everything and I am always open to any question, no matter how basic it may seem. Women may often need something explained in a different way or may require more personal attention to understand some concepts.

Again, this is not to shame women but this is how God created us. In 1 Corinthians 14:35, Paul says that women are not to speak in church but are to ask their husbands questions at home. This tells me that as men, we are the ones to discuss spiritual matters collectively within the body and then pass along this information on a more personal basis to our women as needed. Again, this is a simple delineation of duties: men are the priests and teachers, not women. They are to be led, and although they are usually good at learning, spiritual matters are in a man’s realm. Women are to follow and this requires more guidance and leadership on the part of a man to make sure she understands.

Finally, and perhaps the most important way in which we are to lower standards on women is simply for men to take more responsibility upon themselves. I started off with this and will end with it because it’s so important. Men must be willing to step up and guide women, even if women may initially object to it in some sense when it runs contrary to female empowerment.

We see this need for men to take on more responsibility in many ways and I’ll give a small example here. If you talk to dating coaches they will advise men to actually plan out a date and set up an itinerary in advance. For example, if I asked someone on a date I could say something like “let’s meet at 7pm at such-and-such restaurant because they’ve got this really great chicken dish and I remember you saying how much you love chicken. You should wear something nice at first like that dress since this is a fancy place but bring a change of clothes so we can lounge around on the beach afterwards. I don’t want you to get your nice clothes dirty!”

Now contrast that to what many men might say: “what would you like to do on Friday night?” It may in a sense sound respectful that a man is asking a woman what she likes but this question also places the decision and the burden of performance on the woman. She is now expected to come up with an answer and as I alluded to before, this is essentially asking her to perform in the outside world, outside of her domain. Men need to stop doing this.

Some may think that this sounds bossy in a sense but there’s a big difference between being a leader and being a boss. A leader goes first whereas a boss tells someone what to do. In that example I would be more of a leader, simply going somewhere I’m familiar with and inviting a date along. A man’s mindset should be more along those lines: he is going on his mission and doing his own thing and he’s bringing a woman along with him.

Now take this example and apply it up the board, not just on a simple date but with your daily interactions with women and in relationships. It is critical that a man is always steering the ship, always moving in a certain direction, always moving towards something. He must stand for something and have ambition. This in and of itself is the biggest factor in sexless and dead marriages: a passive man. A man always asking his wife “well what do you want, dear?”, always putting her in the driver’s seat. That is completely incompatible with everything I’ve said here but is unfortunately the predominant attitude of men in the US, if not much of the world. That has to stop!

Men’s biggest idol is women and many men will do anything and give themselves up for access to sex or companionship. Again, not only does this destroy men and destroy the polarity between the sexes, but it is putting an unreasonable expectation upon women. Although she may enjoy the attention for a season, the idol worship she receives from men achieves nothing and she is unable to respect these men. This makes perfect sense: how on earth is a woman going to respect her man and give him reverence if he’s bowing down to her and making an idol of her? This is literally the complete opposite polarity, a 180 degree shift in the sexes and this is found in the majority of relationships here in the US.

I hope this can get us to understand that we need to completely rethink the way that we treat each other in relationships. We need very different standards for women, in some ways raising the standards and in other ways lowering them, yet all of this being done simultaneous to men taking on more responsibility and reclaiming their leadership role. Again, while I speak a lot about women on my blog as a response to the manosphere and red pill’s focus on women (I’m trying to offer a counter perspective), the onus is ultimately on men to fix all of this and women will ultimately just follow.

So I’ll end with this: if men expect women to solve our relationship problems or if they blame women for the failures between the sexes, we can never and will never get anywhere. Many men are waiting for women to concede power, admit fault, change the court system (men’s rights activists tried recruiting women, mostly with little success), or work generally at fixing the problems between the sexes. I hate to say it but that’s futile and it’s not her role to do that. Men MUST stop projecting onto women. She is not a man with the leadership mind that man has and she was deceived into the position she is in now, something that the bible told us that Eve was susceptible to and would be her continual condition. It’s on Adam to fix it and this begins by fixing the standards:

She is to be told to not touch the fruit but instead listen to her husband. That’s the higher standard. Yet she is to be protected from Satan in the outside world and not allowed to wander around unprotected towards that tree. That’s the lower standard on her as men step in to do the work and cover her instead.