Stubborn and uncommunicative men; and male nature

Is it a virtue for men to be hardheaded and not willing to listen? Let’s talk about being masculine versus simply being stubborn and unwilling to listen.

This message is key for men who desire to be leaders as well as women who want to understand why men are the way they are. Most women have dealt with uncommunicative men so this topic should be highly relatable and of great interest to my female audience.

I remember first seeing on another Christian masculinity blog site that I was placed in their links as part of the femosphere (red pill topics for women could be one definition of this term) and I kinda laughed. I thought it was curious but to be honest, I was just happy to be linked and was proud that I would get that distinction. What other guy would be placed in the femosphere like that? It wasn’t my intention but I do like being different so it’s probably the perfect place for me to land, especially in light of topics like the one I’m going to address today.

In all honesty, I can relate to women better than people probably realize. Of course I can’t relate to the female condition or understand what it’s like to be a woman, but I can understand their position on this earth better than most might think. Case in point, I understand what it’s like to be around men who don’t seem to listen. I understand what it’s like to feel like you haven’t been heard or that your feelings and viewpoints have not been taken into consideration. Are not most (all?) women able to relate to this?

One reason I understand is because I know both sides of a relationship. I know what it means to be a leader as well as a follower and the truth is, no man has any right to be a leader until he first becomes a follower. If he isn’t first a follower, he surely will not be able to understand what the people he’s leading are going through and be sympathetic (or empathetic) to their position.

Let’s think about a few examples of this concept. For one, many men would be excited about the idea of male authority in a patriarchy. Yet if a man hasn’t first understood what it means to be a follower and under another head, he is unfit to lead. A leader must be able to relate to those he’s leading and understand their position. Why? Well, if he can’t, there will be a faulty relationship. Those he’s leading can’t understand his position and he can’t understand theirs. Any chance of effective and loving communication is doomed from the beginning in this situation.

As another example, think about those who go to a workplace or even church and want their high position, say to be some sort of leader. I say they need to start at the bottom first in order to truly understand the organization. Go clean the toilets for a while and then afterwards maybe you can manage the place. Besides, we tend to respect those who have worked their way up from the bottom more than those who were just granted their position (who is this person? Did they earn their position? I don’t know them, how can I trust them? The average employee may rightly have these sorts of thoughts.)

As one last compelling example, think about a lion-tamer. This man tames a lion and effectively leads it, but he only does that because he takes the time to understand the lion. He studies the lion’s temperament and learns to work with it. This man is surely an expert at lion behavior and the better he knows his subject, the better of a leader he will be over it.

The point is, no man deserves to be a leader when he doesn’t first understand his followers and one of the most important things a follower needs is to be heard. Their concerns, feelings, and needs must be taken into consideration and at the very least their concerns should be listened to and accepted. Is this not what women (and the feminine position) wants, i.e. to be seen and heard? Yes, the red pill has noted that women want attention but at the heart of it this is not always vain; it’s often borne out of a simple and understandable need and it’s not even that action is always needed from men; being heard, understood, and accepted is often enough.

Here is where we get into some serious problems when it comes to many men’s ability to listen to and understand others. I know this because I’ve experienced it myself with other men and can see it in myself. It’s currently a high priority in my life to work on. Why are men like this and is there any virtue in it?

A man who’s firm in his ways could be masculine or he could just simply be stubborn and unwilling to listen. Men really need to attempt to rightly divide masculine virtue from stubbornness or even laziness in this regard as there is a clear dividing line between the two that for many is completely blurred. Let’s talk about it.

The masculine way is to create loving yet firm boundaries. The godly man is strong and firm in the way he manages and protects what has been entrusted to him. He has a higher calling and answers to a higher power and because of this has unshakable and unmovable codes of conduct or standards for himself and for his life. He is concerned with objective truth and is not easily swayed by emotion.

This man can also be quite intolerant or even seemingly confrontational when it comes to things which go against his values and standards. This is the man who runs off a boy trying to use his daughter, a man who throws the LGBTQ propaganda out the window and maybe even refuses to put his children into public schools, or perhaps he’s just the man who stands up to the salesman or cashier who is overcharging him or deceiving him on a sale.

All that said, notice something important: what I just said does not preclude the fact that this man is also highly concerned about others. He understands that he is responsible for everything that has been entrusted to him by God and hence he must understand their needs and how to guide them correctly. In fact, he does much of the above not for himself but for others. He understands how difficult it is for them to be in their position where they are asked to trust in him and he therefore takes his power seriously.

He is interested in listening to people in general in order to gain common ground with his fellow man. He understands that it’s often better to listen than to speak and that a leader is actually more of a servant than a dictator. Isn’t it strange to see a man and woman together with the man continually talking and not the other way around? This tells me that a leader (and a man in general) should listen more than he speaks.

Personally, I’m often open to listen to almost anyone and anything (at least briefly) because all new information or challenges to my beliefs can only do one of two things: first, the new information could be better or my prior beliefs fail this new challenge. In that case, I adopt the new information and become better. On the other hand, if the new information is worse or the challenge fails, it confirms that what I already believed is superior and strengthens my confidence in it. Either way, I win.

So we see that just because a man has strong boundaries, high standards, and is all about objective truth doesn’t mean that he also can’t listen to others’ needs and feelings or listen to new information. From there it’s on him to discern where to go with the new information or with what someone has shared with him. That’s his prerogative and responsibility.

On the other hand, let’s talk about the opposite kind of man.

This man has an aura of masculinity in that he’s firm in his ways and believes what he believes but it often results in stubbornness and an unwillingness to change. It’s also often borne out of an unwillingness to work. What do I mean?

Well, many men are resistant to change and may believe that “we’ve always done things this way and it’s worked so far.” Yet is this true? Yes and no. Yes we’re still technically still alive and have a semblance of normalcy but the godly man sees that things can always be improved and that our world is dying (so in my opinion, no, it hasn’t worked.)

Yes I understand that being firm, standing your ground, and being immovable are masculine qualities but it’s also not good to refuse to admit pride and self-reflect. The fact is, a man can often be immovable about something which is simply wrong. God wants righteous men and ultimately wants them to be zealous for righteousness, not evil.

Looking at reality objectively, which is what men should be concerned with, we see that man is a sinful, fallen being prone to error. Therefore a man should not be too reluctant to self-reflect and admit wrongs. How can a man make it into the Kingdom of Heaven when he can’t repent, aka admit that he’s done wrong? God loves men who are all in for righteousness but hates pride which includes always thinking we’re right and excluding others.

Honestly and in my opinion, a lot of this comes down to an unwillingness to work which is a result of the curse on man from the garden of Eden. Not only do I think about physical work as God cursed the ground, but sometimes I wonder if any of this translated into man’s lack of desire to work on himself.

The manosphere talks about female nature but has neglected male nature. Briefly, one facet of it is such that man is trying to avoid the grueling work which is the result of God’s curse upon him. The idea of taking on the tremendous responsibility of leadership (which includes listening to others) may often not be too appealing to men. Taking his rightful authority, yes. Doing the grueling work (now required under the curse) to keep that authority, not necessarily.

It’s human nature to try to avoid something bad so both men and women are trying to avoid their curses and it shows up in men in this way among others.

I get it, a man is supposed to be right as he is to be the one operating in the realm of objective truth, correct? This is his world, is it not? Yes. But objective truth should also show us that the feminine perspective is also valid in and of itself and even men should be able to relate as they are to be submissive when they’re subject to another (say, Christ.) So is the stubborn and uncommunicative man a man who is also not himself under an authority, i.e. submitted to God? There is perhaps a strong correlation here and I could talk more about that another time.

It may appear to some that I’ve contradicted myself in this message when looking back at what I’ve said over the past year about men becoming more intolerant, less compromising, having higher standards, and putting up stronger boundaries, but this is only if the godly masculine position is not understood. I can have high standards and be intolerant to evil but yet be the most hospitable and loving man on earth. Yes this kind of man is extremely rare and hardly anyone of us fully understands it (I’m only learning) but he can exist.

Think about Jesus: was He not loving and did He not take His time (a lot of it) to listen to others? Yet did He also not overturn tables in the temple, talk a lot about hell, and strongly rebuke people (like the Pharisees)? Moreover, tell me once where He compromised Himself and His boundaries (He didn’t) while simultaneously giving up His life on the cross for others?

So obviously this example exists and we can’t just say “well that’s Jesus and I’m not Him.” That’s laziness and I doubt God will be happy after a man dies and he says “I figured I couldn’t be like your Son so that’s why I didn’t try.” That’s not something any of us should want to say to our Creator. We need to strive as best as we can to be like our example and Master.

Let me make a few important points before I end and explain why this topic should be of high importance to men. First, I noticed one major thing after reading about the lives of the most righteous men from the bible like Abraham and Job from various sources: they were incredibly hospitable. This is such an underrated godly quality in our eyes yet one of the highest in God’s eyes. So how can we be hospitable without being good listeners and receptive to others?

Second, uncommunicative and stubborn men can cause stress upon others (typically women but even men) which can actually seriously affect others’ emotional and physical health. Most men are probably quite ignorant of this fact but the damage can nevertheless be quite serious. Men have so much to gain here and the world could be turned around for the better if they would understand and attempt to fix this.

There are almost no other men telling them what I’ve said today. Some may get offended over today’s topics, but until we take responsibility for this world nothing will change. Personally, when you tell me it’s my fault the world is the way it is, that tells me that the world is mine and makes me want to change it. This tells me only one thing: that I have POWER. We need to have that perspective instead of taking offense.

I want to end by saying that this may not be the definitive answer as to why men are the way they are as even I don’t fully understand. I just wanted to give another perspective and talk about male nature and the curse as it’s not addressed. We hear a lot about female nature but not male nature and this is probably hard for many men to hear. Yet this isn’t to offend but to bring awareness and show men’s true power.

Finally, listening, sensitivity, and communication skills are not exclusively in the realm of the feminine. Some men think it’s “fruity” (or girly) and avoid it for that reason. If you think that, look back at my example of the lion tamer earlier. How can you become an expert in something unless you study it, listen to it, communicate with it, and be sensitive to its every move? Don’t many men do that with their cars, sports, or whatever else they essentially baby, pamper, or show devotion to? Let’s be objective here and stop throwing something out just because it sounds girly or emotional on the surface. Listening is essential to leading and is therefore a crucial quality for a masculine man to develop.